Self-Medialization Project

I decided to just be normal in the game. People who is playing online game always make himself/herself as perfect as possible, or as outstanding as possible. I will just dressed some normal clothes; human being clothes and not super fancy clothes like all the others. And I will see what my feeling is going to be like if I just be normal. Which is not kind of normal in this kind of games. Let's see what I will get.


I didn’t change my outfit (it’s original one when you register to play the game) and jumped into the first world map – Rally. That was a map for chatting and racing car in it, but most people just stay in there and chat. I didn’t know anyone in this game except Toni who was not online on that time. I was running around and trying to figure it out what to do in the world. It ended up with nothing to do for me, and I saw so many people were talking to their “friends” (don’t know they are their real friends or just virtual world friends). I was standing there and see if I can talk to someone. And I tried to talk to people with a “Hi” started but most of them just ignored me and went away.




I was feeling sad at that time because I don’t understand why people don’t want to make friends with me. By comparing the outfit with all other people, I knew it was my ugly outfit makes me so “unpopular”. And in the reading of How Second Life Affects Real Life, it said “the qualities you acquire online — whether it is confidence or insecurity — can spill over and change your conduct in the real world, often without your awareness”. This one reminds me the truth is, I really did feel sad about no-one-talk-to-me result after I hang in there for 2 hours. I think it back; I actually don’t need to feel sad because it was just a game. And abstrusely this virtual game really did affect my real feeling in the real world.

After all that I decided to changed my outfit to a better look.






No matter what you think it’s better or not. I think this outfit is better looking than the last one. And the experiences in the game told me that was true because I did have some guys talked to me actively.
Today, someone talked to me actively. I was so happy that changing better clothes works and now I can make friends. I asked him where he’s from and he said he’s from Bacon World, I had no idea what that is. I asked him how old he is, he didn’t say anything and instead, he asked me if I want be friends. Well, of course I would love to since I was new to the game and got no friends. We were trying to find something to do but we were all new to this game, we didn’t know what to do other than talking. Then we just talked.
And I think this related to the How Second Life Affects Real Life said “Overall, subjects using good-looking avatars tended to display more confidence, friendliness and extroversion, just as in the real world: they approached avatar strangers within three feet, and in conversations tended to disclose more personal details. Ugly-duckling avatars, meanwhile, stayed five and a half feet away from strangers and were more tight-lipped”. May be it’s true that it was just my self-feeling that I have more confidence with this better looking avatar, so I acted differently. But I really can’t tell what I did differently. And also the reading from The Net Time Part 2, “Attractions are forms of exhibitionistic spectacle -- direct address or performative display -- that can stand in contrast to the coherency of narrative flow”. These all beautiful outfit are all for attractions, to make people have more confidence, more space to show off. This exhibitionistic spectacle become the most common communication on virtual world, even the real world works the same.









After played this map for few days and noticed people can’t do much here. I decided to change to another map called Towns. It’s for exploring Gaia and meeting friends. This map is much bigger than the first one. When I first get in there I got lost and didn't know what to do. I was hoping some people can help me but no one. I was kind of sad and hoping some of my “friends” get online. I got bored, but the feeling of getting bored from this game made me felt bored in my real life. It was a really wired feeling that I feel the same way as in the game in real life. I don’t know why but yes, on that time, I was just sitting there, thinking what I could do and just got nothing to do. The feeling in the game is exact the same as in reality. And this time, I think this kind of situation fits what Fox said in the reading of How Second Life Affects Real Life “If you are energized by seeing yourself run, maybe you can put an avatar on the bottom of your computer screen for five minutes and it would persuade you to go to the gym”.






I continued to play this game by going to the Towns and explored some new stuff. This time, a guy came by me and talked to me. We talked for a really long time. I got to know that he is 9-year-old, super young to me. I really doubted about the age part. Well, actually I don’t totally believe all the online information because they are partially made-up for increasing others interest. Like the reading The Sound of Reality Lag, “Base biological data is being mined and mapped as a potential info stream to harvest and alter”.
Back to my new “friend”, he has been playing this game for 2 years, but he always just chats around with random people, and he hasn’t play actual game in Gaia. He doesn't know well the detail of this game and to-do-things in this game by playing it 2 years. I think he just likes to talk to people online in virtual world. But what attracted this guy has been playing this game 2 years for just chatting? And his behavior made me think of The Sound of Reality Lag said, “In these manifestations, ego-stitched/physical reality and identity concepts are bifurcated through multiple projections - there is no "real" reality concept emphasized”.
Since the whole world is getting medialized by all those online games and social networks. People rely on internet, social networks, and online games. The influence from this technology is getting deeper and deeper inside the whole real world. It likes drug, addicting and it changed the life style of everyone in the world.

Panoptic Media Culture

Andy Warhol filmed people doing normal, mundane stuff. It's like watching a reality-show, like Big Brother, where the people in the show are taped at every moment. It marked a new beginning in which media attention became the focus of social identification, the new mirror in which the individual looks back on. It becomes like an eye of god, that media can see everything - panoptic. People want to see real live stuff and media can do that. Also people want to show their daily life. It's like a window that many people show their thought, daily life, feeling, and also it's a window that so many people watching all these people behaviors. It likes the Facebook, people post what they are thinking, what their feeling about something is, what they have done, and all the personal thoughts, personal feelings are on Facebook wall. It updates frequently, so when people once get on Facebook, he/she can see all his/her friends thought, feeling, mood, and behavior. I can see all of them clearly, I know their feeling, their thought, their activities without letting them know that I know, they show them in the public. But at the same time, I am also the person who is being watch as well. Like everyone on Facebook knows what I am thinking once I post on there. Now social network is now like a Panopticon, but the difference is people in somewhere that can be in the middle of Panopticon or around the Panopticon. On Facebook, I choose what I wanna show and what I don’t wanna show. It looks like daily real life on Facebook, but actually it’s not. Because people already being self-medialized, which means what shows on there is not real anymore. It’s like a stage that people can choose what they wanna show and what they don’t wanna show. Lifes are all about the media now, everyone lives for it, post on there. People hope to do something awesome to post online. And also we all being watched and watch people through this media.

Chatroulette Project

Here I want to talk about the feelings before doing this project. I have never used any this kind of internet social network. I am nervous, I feel my heart beats rising badly, I don’t want to video-chat with random horny guys online, and I am scared. But I’m curious that why this kind of websites are so popular. I really want to know if there is really something that makes people like it or addicted in it. And also I am curious why guys like to masturbating thru webcam instead of watching porn or finding a real person. I told myself that I don’t skip people unless they switch me. In the reading, it mentioned something that means internet social networks are for “exhibitionists” and “peepers” people. If so, am I the one of those? Maybe my opinion will be changed after I finish this project. Let’s do it.





1.

I introduced myself and told him that was the first time I use Chatroulette. I asked him how long he has been using it because I was wondering if there is some one likes to use it every day. He said that was his first time to use it. And I want to find out what makes them so addicted into this internet social network. I talked to him at first, when we got to know each other a little bit more and a little bit more comfortable, I asked him to show his face. He only showed his belly in the frame all the time and refused to show his face. He said I would switch him for sure if I see his face, I said no. But no matter how I said, He just refused to show. This related to the reading that people on the internet try to hide their face because they have fear that people reject them by their out looking. This people don't satisfy in the real live because their not good looking. And now they get online to hide their weakness to make new friends that don't know their looking at the first point.








2.

This guy is from somewhere in European that I have never heard the name and I can’t remember the name. He looked normal to me, at least he didn't show somewhere that other than face at the first point. We talk about the city he is from and talk about me as well. I asked him how long he has been using Chatroulette, and he said that was his first time too. Like the first guy, I was surprised that the first two persons that I met in Chatroulette was their first time too. Now I am wondering one more thing; Do people really addicted on this website, or just once a while, or will stop after the curious first time usage. While he was on chatroulette, I noticed that he was watching TV too. And he was like paying more attention to the TV more than me. I felt like I was just put there in the computer and be with him. Was he lonely and wanted to have someone to be with him watching TV. In the reading, I remember that webcams use as connection or tool that make people feel together. Someone just don't want to be alone. This time, webcam chat become a tool that connect two people in a different places to be in the same place.









3.

This horny guy was keep touching his penis all the time and hided his face. I talked to him a little bit honestly, and I told him that he looked horny. He said I am pretty. I pretended laughed for a second. I didn't feel happy by his compliment at all because I know that his compliment was for something. He was doing that touching-penis behavior to me all the time, I can tell that he wanted me to do it do. He flirted me and compliment to me are all for the one thing he wanted. Like the reading, People doing something actually means they what you to do the exact thing they want. Like " I do it, you do it". By that time, I was thinking that people get satisfy on internet social network that can hide face and just show on of his body part. Will they really paired someone on the Chatroulette they wanted?









4.

This naked guy talked to me with few sentences, not much. He is from Canada. And his thought is the same as he looked, naked. He liked dirty talk and flirting talk. I told him I was doing my project, and he responded: “on me?” =.= <- my face. Most of the online webcam social networks are about sexuality like somewhere in the reading. I don't remember it clearly exactly where but I know there is something talked about it. It talked about online sexuality became a big topic on internet. And now I ask myself, do human all interested in sex? That's why the internet became like this.












5.

I think I wouldn’t see any Asian guy on this website. But, I accidently paired up with a Chinese guy who is 15, and he was using Chatroulette to practice his English. That was impressive! He told me that he is from He Nan. He failed his English class and he wants to improve his English. That's why his using this most "English-Only" website to talk to random people. I finally changed my original thought of that all people who uses Chatroulette are wired. There is really someone who uses online random video-chat to study, use it in a positive way. How positive! I realized that I was wrong to judge people before get to know them. And human always do judging on something by the first sign. Now the webcam technology thing is so popular, it's all because of the judge of the first sign. People judge people by looking, so people use online avatar to hide, etc.








6.

This masturbating guy showed his penis at the first time. I really want to talk to him like I mentioned at the first place to find out why those guys like to do this through video-chat. I asked him to show his face at first, he did. He was not bad looking and buff. I asked him why he likes to do it in front of webcam instead watching porn. He told me that he liked real people. And I asked why not going out find girls. He said he liked to do this. I was wondering how come people don't like physically real people? As the reading talked about, people using camera and put a performance on it. They like to be in the frame and perform something they wanna see themselves. Narcissism is the main psychological part that takes place in this whole performance here. And then we kept talking for a while. Surprisingly, that he was not masturbating for at least 5 minutes to talk to me. But things came back, he wanted me to take off my clothes to help him come. I rejected many times and he was begging. I didn't know what to do anymore, so I wished him to find one who is can and I said bye. Afterward, I was thinking that he might be a good guy. Because he doesn't have girlfriend and just masturbating at home instead of going out and sleeping around with random girls. Now I changed my point of view again. I just need to get to know them in their way, not in my way. So I could understand. This is a big change of me!! I original thought was all masturbating guys are nasty and "ewwww" on Chatroulette. But now I started thinking they might be good guys somehow. What an interesting thought and experience!






7.

I asked the same question as the last one to this masturbating guy. He just said “why not doing masturbate by using Chatroulette”. I asked more, he just simply answered without detail. I think he was just too busy to masturbate instead talking. And he never showed his face again. People really like to hide something on the internet, and that exactly is the huge benefit on internet. And also that's the difference from real life.














8.

This is a guy from Brazil. He was wiping his face and nose with a towel at the first time. He was not a bad talking guy. But so far, I just realized that I talked almost the same conversation to everyone on Chatroulette. No matter who, they ask me all the same questions, the questions to get to know someone. By that time, I was thinking that if it is truth that people can really get to know new people on here, or just routinely asking same questions and responding same answers. My new thought is people barely can really get to know someone on here(I mean become friends). And also he was doing his daily thing with me on the webcam, but he didn't pay much attention on me. Did he just want to have someone watch his daily life? Like the reading mentioned, people like to put their live on the stage and let people watch it.





9.

This was the only girl who stopped there and talk to me. I paired up with some girls before and they just skipped. On that time, I felt an invisible sadness of their rejection. Did I also have the "fear of rejection" like the reading said? I don't know. I talked to this girl just a little bit and then she skipped me quickly. She wasn't interested in me and she moved on to look for the one she is interested in. People find fun and self-satisfaction on internet. Now I am sure that Chatroulette is a good place to looking for “new” friends, some fun, and self-satisfaction by the experience from this project.











10.

Like routine, I asked him basic questions, he asked me some things. We got to know each other more and more. And after all those routine questions, a guy always go to subjects on sex like most of the guys did to a girls. They act like asking, testing girls interest, and talk into those subjects. Once they become comfortable, they started talk sex.













And at the end, my conclusion is the most popular taking subject is sex no matter how normal the beginning is. I feel like they are themselves; they find themselves through doing this or they feel better doing this. Surprisingly, my fear at the beginning was gone. I am no longer fear to talk to the strangers, and horny guys. And I feel it is interesting to get out from my world, my way, and to know someone in their way. After I talk to them and get to know them more, I realized that they are regular human with nothing wrong, and they just do what they want and what they need. There is nothing wrong by doing all those things; I need to use their way to get to know them. Just like watching performance in live. Once I understand, all the weird feelings are gone. This project is so fun!! I actually learned a lot and experienced a lot through this. i don't know how, but I feel like I found a new part of me. I broke my fears and now I am brave. This is like an experiment to test me to understand thing by the other point of views. This discovery shocked me but I am happy! ^.^